Memo: To All Google Spokespeople
From: Brandi Sparkles & the Privacy Excuse Algorithm Team (PEAT)
RE: The New Google Public Line on FTC/State/EU Privacy Investigations
Google has changed the company’s public line concerning our inadvertent, unintentional, un-anticipatable, accidental, unexpected, unwitting, un-premeditated, unconscious, and totally innocent bypassing of Apple Safari browser’s privacy protections, which was first reported by the Wall Street Journal February 19th, and which is now being investigated by the FTC, State Attorneys General, and the EU per the WSJ today.
Initially, Google said: “The Journal mischaracterizes what happened and why. We used known Safari functionality to provide features that signed-in Google users had enabled. It’s important to stress that these advertising cookies do not collect personal information.”
Upon advice of our attorneys — who informed us that the crux of Google’s potential legal and financial penalty liability stems from whether or not Google’s actions were intentional or willful — we now fully, totally, completely, absolutely, and with-every-fiber-of-our-body, retract, repudiate, rescind, revoke and recant our original media statement because it dripped with intent and willfulness.
Our new statement previewed today in the WSJ: “We will of course cooperate with any officials who have questions, but it’s important to remember that we didn’t anticipate this would happen, and we have been removing these advertising cookies from Safari browsers,” is now the operative Google public statement going forward.