{"id":284,"date":"2004-05-31T10:44:07","date_gmt":"2004-05-31T10:44:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zmetro.com\/?p=284"},"modified":"2004-05-31T10:44:07","modified_gmt":"2004-05-31T10:44:07","slug":"national_identity_making_pizza_delivery_more_efficient_not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/?p=284","title":{"rendered":"National Identity: Making Pizza Delivery More Efficient (!Not)"},"content":{"rendered":"

This email is floating around: ordering pizza in 2015. Let’s hope it never comes to this. (You should support the Electronic Frontier Foundation<\/a>)<\/p>\n


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\nOperator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your…”
\nCustomer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
\nOperator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
\nCustomer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s 6102049998-45-54610.”
\nOperator: “Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number’s 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
\nCustomer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
\nOperator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
\nCustomer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas…”
\nOperator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
\nCustomer: “Whaddya mean?”
\nOperator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
\nCustomer: “Dang . What do you recommend, then?”
\nOperator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
\nCustomer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
\nOperator: “Well, you checked out ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your local library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
\nCustomer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s the damage?”
\nOperator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The ‘damage,’ as you put it, heh, heh, comes to $49.99.”
\nCustomer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
\nOperator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
\nCustomer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
\nOperator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account’s overdrawn.”
\nCustomer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?
\nOperator: “We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
\nCustomer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
\nOperator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo’ed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
\nCustomer: “@#%\/$@&?#!”
\nOperator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
\nCustomer: (Speechless)
\nOperator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
\nCustomer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
\nOperator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This email is floating around: ordering pizza in 2015. Let’s hope it never comes to this. (You should support the Electronic Frontier Foundation)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/284"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=284"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/284\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=284"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=284"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.zmetro.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=284"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}